Hat of Hate

Things I am adding to the Wall of Hate this week:

• mild cheddar
• the experimental band Directing Hand
• fruit flies
• dawdlers
• the 'war on terror'
• noisy refrigeration units

Dinner

I caught a greyfish
Slippety slap
It fell out of the fishnet
Into my lap
It glooped and it globbled
And wasn't quite dead
Until I battered it
Over the head

I caught a potato
At the back of a shop
I cut out its eyes
Choppity chop
I sliced it in pieces
Snick snick snick
And fried them in hot oil
Quickety quick

Fish and chip
Fish and chip
Fish and chip
Pea
Sauce
Eat it all up

On getting a Snickers

I love getting snacks from vending machines, because your change comes out refrigerated, coins like little metal ice cubes. They feel icy cold but dry in your pocket. It made me think of a song which my mother used to sing to me when I was little:

"Dogs' eggs and frogs' legs
And old broken clothes pegs
Fat cats in elf hats
And pictures of fruit bats
Berries and ferries and knobbly knees
These are all thinkings that occupy me
Notches and crutches
And things nicked from churches
Nodules and toggles and kittens in holdalls
Seagulls and beagles and ferrets on leashes
These are all things that I put in my quiches.
When the pork chops, when the bus stops, when clown babies crowd your mind,
When the moon lands, when the brass bands, you will be sure to find...
Lupins and moomins and logs all a'fluming
Vandals in sandals and Chief Montezuma
Robots and reef knots and snails on skates
Remember these things and you'll never be late!"

I've never quite been able to work out what she was getting at.

Dear Lord. Fetch!

It is no mistake that dog is God backwards.

Or rather, doG is God backwards.

How very droL.