Nelly Furtado is my long-lost aunt

I'm like a bird.

I'll only eat an insect and then do a poo on your hat.

Challenge

Some people like to tackle a challenge head-on.

I prefer to sidle up to a challenge, tap it on the other shoulder and sneak past while it's looking the other way.

Movie

2008 has been a good year for films. My favourite so far is There will be Old Men, which is an epic set in and around a church hall in Wiltshire.

Shaddap You Face

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFacWGBJ_cs

Zimabwe

Has it occurred to anyone else that Zanu-PF sounds like a chemical weapon?

(to the tune of 'greensleeves')

Cream cheese, my love
For your sandwiches
I’ve had them brought from Nantwich. Is
That a gun
In your codpiece, dear
Or are you just pleas-ed to see me?

Film of the Week

Dairy of the Dead

"When you like your cheese so mature that it’s passed away…"

Heathrow-binson

The new Terminal 5 at Heathrow has been opened, despite widely voiced fears about the impact of air travel on carbon emissions.
Meanwhile, Xavier Solana has predicted that climate change will have the greatest impact on developing countries, resulting in large scale migrations into Europe.

At least it will now be easier for them to get here.

Careers

The fish are fine, just swimming around, sucking away at some fish flakes, then swimming around again. They don't worry about their CVs, or whether they have relevant experience to be a fish. They don't show any concern about job satisfaction, but seem perfectly fulfilled swimming, eating, and doing stringy poos. They don't compare themselves with their fishy peer group, worry about personal development, or look at salary brackets.

But that is because they are fish.

Fuck off!

Swingers

It's nice hanging upside down, isn't it?

Just think about it. Hanging upside down, swinging back and forth a little bit. Hair flopping the wrong way, blood rushing to your face.

And at some point you have to swing your legs down and stand up, and wobble for a second.

Take-over

My company has just been bought up by the Dalek empire. No jobs are at risk, though. If anything, there will be more opportunities for employees to develop and help drive the business forward. The Daleks are quite impressed by our performance over the last couple of years, and want to invest and build upon that potential.

Exterminate!

Smint

My Smint, apparently, is 'The First Dental Sweet for the Whole Family.'

I'm pleased about that. I was worried my children were developing a taste for adult dental sweets. They're just not old enough yet.

Awaiting Photo

Career Change

I have decided to become a model.

I've had some headshots done, and I'm quite pleased with the results.

Pubs

Two new drinking establishments have opened up near my workplace in central London. Here is the review of one of them from the 'Is You London?' freesheet:

"Just round the corner is a new place called De Lancy's. It's classy from the outside - glass frontage, neon sign, 5 bouncers. And it has décor inside to match. Black faux leather seats along the walls, dark wooden tables, a chrome bar where they give you your change on a silver platter like the antithesis of a communion wafer.

You pay only £8 to get it in, and they have a happy hour from 5pm - 5.20pm when cocktails are only £15 each. The bar has one beer on tap (Stella), but they also have bottles, so fans of WKD or 'Sirrus' won’t be disappointed. And after a couple of drinks, you might pop into the exquisitely clean toilets, where there are 4 Nigerian students in every cubicle waiting to hand you toilet paper when you finish your business. Or you can do what I did and refuse to wipe so that you don’t have to give them a pound each on the way out.

The music policy is varied. Thursdays is funky house, Fridays is 70s disco and house, Saturdays is house, tech-house and house house, and Sundays you can wind down with some house.
This place is quickly becoming popular with some people who don't know any better. Check it out some time."

The other is a different sort of establishment:

"Next door to the tobacconists is one of my favourite pubs, the Dog and Jesuit. It's in a 17th building with a chequered history: having started as a dairy, it has had incarnations as a brothel, a jail, a super-villain's secret underground lair and a catfood factory before being taking over by the Badger's Arse brewery in 1878.

Inside, pub is gloomily wood-panelled, with knick-knacks and junk stapled to the walls randomly. Behind the scruffy wooden bar, the oversized landlord and two tiny east European barmaids keep the place shipshape. Music policy varies, from Rolling stones, to old blues records, to silence, depending entirely what mood John the landlord is in. Sometimes you won't be able to hear over the noise of conversations about war, music and history; other times it's so quiet you'll be able to hear the old man who sleeps on his stool at the end of the bar dribbling onto his News of the World.

The beers are varied; favourites include Bishop's Nipple, Old Bumhole and Sneaky Gyppo, along with guest beers like St Winifred's Nightmare Stout; and one lager - I forget which. It also does wine for ladies and gays."

Schadenfreude

I heard a great definition of Schadenfreude today, after a colleague managed to injure himself without even rising from his chair.
"Every man knows the pain you feel from a blow to the balls.
But it's still funny when it happens to someone else."