Insert disc. Then put it in your computer. It will start automatically; after a few seconds an icon will appear. It is an icon of Christ, with a CD as a halo behind his head. Click on this icon with your mouse, or other rodent. The icon will oscillate, then shake rapidly and terrifyingly and then explode in a beautiful shower of fireworks. As the sparks drift away (you can speed this up using the breeze from your desk fan), a window will appear onscreen. In the window you will see a wizard. The caption should say 'installation wizard'. If it does not you should type 'installation wizard'.
Press 'Alt Gr'. When the alternative growling has finished, the wizard will open the window and lean out. Click once on his pointy hat and twice on his wand. He will take off his hat and pull out a rabbit. Click on the wizard's hat again and a carrot will appear at the top right of the screen. Click on this and drag towards the rabbit. The rabbit will eat the carrot, then bound off screen, leaving a little trail of footprints. Sweep the footprints up and put in the recycle bin. Close the lid (you may need to click a couple of times on the little foot pedal as the lid is sometimes a little stiff). Your computer will restart. You have now installed your new PC Programme. If you wish to upgrade your programme to sargeant or superintendant please visit our on-site website.
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